Postal Strike

Having survived cholera, the luftwaffe, piggy flu and terrorism billions of Britons began the day by finding a darkened corner, crawling into a ball and screaming for their matriarchs in the wake of the communication workers union's devastating strike action, forcing the nation to rely simply on e-mail, phonecalls, any of a hundred dedicated couriers, fax, sms/mms, facebook, twitter, bebo and in some areas far north of Glasgow, face to face communication.

Major metropolitan areas are hardest hit with up to 3 items undelivered today as a direct result of the strike.
"I won't get my junk mail!" said one concerned home owner before falling to the ground gasping, bursting into flames and donating their kidneys to DHL.

Businesses have been warned they will be unable to post ancient forms of currency which nobody uses anymore and everybody resents having to take time off work to 'cash'. Staff directly involved in river cleansing and beautification have been told not to bother coming to work tomorrow, as the absence of postmen dumping letters in the Clyde will mean that water can flow freely again.

Existing daytime television services will remain in place to insure that the thousands of postal workers participating in the strike will soon be grateful they actually even have a job in the 21st century. However, episodes of Postman Pat will be suspended to avoid inflaming the strike with complaints such as "Did you see that?! He's got a ruddy helicopter!".

When challenged on the number of people actually sending letters these days now that internet is widely available and free, a spokesman for CWU said "Thats all media fluff" before going on to elaborate "there's actually no such thing as the Internet". Despite these denials, postal workers are finding that they have time not just to fight Royal Mail, but also to take on the Government, whose attempts to sell royal mail last year faced serious set backs.
"We basically didn't have change for a tenner" commented Peter Mandelson.